this is a joke thread

[Zzzptm]

My boss said, "I'd like a word with you!"

I said, "How about unicorn?"

[Vyn]

[Zzzptm]

Does this mean the music of AC/DC is timeless because they sang "Whole Lotta Rosie" back in the day?

To be sure, Ms. Minaj's lyrics are reminiscent of the poetry from Queen's masterpiece, "Fat Bottomed Girls".  

Then there's Big Joe Turner's composition, "Big Legged Woman" that I do NOT play on the radio, ever. Too racy for a Saturday morning show.

In all honesty, I think I can appreciate Ms. Minaj's lyrical directness over the noodling in the Page-Plant composition. I know where I stand with a transparent statement such as hers. Then again, one wishes she'd take a more positive and inclusive tone in her wording, I'd hate for the word "assist" to mean something other than to help another person.

ASSIST (uh-SIST) verb - to help another person "Will you assist me with my packages?"
ASSIST (ASS-ist) noun - someone who bears an irrational prejudice towards persons of demonstrably different proportions in their posterior regions. "What did you say to all the people with small butts? What are you, some kind of assist?"

[Vyn]

A guy gets out of the army, and tired of living around so many people, decides to buy himself a nice little house in the sticks.

For the first couple of weeks, he loves it. Peace and quiet.

Then after a month, he’s getting a little stir crazy.

After two months, he’s climbing the walls.

Then, a knock on the door. He rushes over and pulls it open. A man, apparently a local, introduces himself. “Hey, there. I thought somebody moved in but I haven’t seen anyone,” he says.

“Well, I just don’t know anyone, and it’s hard to meet people.”

“You’re in luck, son. It just so happens that I’m having a party tonight. Care to come?”

“Oh, you bet I would!”

The local says, “Now, we don’t party out here like you might be used to, so, do you like to drink?”

“Love to drink!”

“And can you dance?”

“I’m pretty light on my feet.”

“Things might get a little rough. Can you handle your fists?”

“I can hold my own.”

“There’s certainly gonna be sex at the party. I’m assuming you enjoy sex?”

“I’m virile as they come.”

“Okay, okay… Sometimes emotions get high, and there’s likely to be tears and screaming. Can you handle that?”

“I’m pretty level-headed. I can handle it.”

“Okay, great! My place is just down the road on the left. Eight o’clock.”

The local starts to leave when our guy calls after him, “Wait! What should I wear?”

“Oh, I don’t care. It’s just gonna be you and me…”

[Zzzptm]

OH! ZING!

[Vyn]

Humorous, using a very narrow definition of humor...

(link to the actual site hosting it: https://abstrusegoose.com/511)

[Zzzptm]

Lol smart aleck had it coming.

[Zzzptm]

Heard a Redd Foxx joke from 1956...

"I knew a guy who cooked beans backwards... gave everyone the hiccups!"

[Vyn]

A man is going through customs entering Australia.
 
The man behind the desk asks him "do you have a criminal record?" The man replies "No, I didn't know that was still a requirement"

[Zzzptm]

"Do you have a criminal record?"

"Yes, AC/DC's Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap."

[Typhon]

How do you stop a dog from barking in July?



Shoot him in June.