this is a joke thread

[Zzzptm]

Lol, those were two hilarious ads, thanks!

[Typhon]

 An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.  Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.  Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.  They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.  Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.

'I would like it infrequently' she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, then leaned over towards her and whispered -

'Is that one word or two?'

[Typhon]

[Zzzptm]

Only joke with the booster shots was me expecting them to have a harder impact than they actually did.


Late at night in the city, a guy is on his hands and knees under a street light, looking for something in the gutter.

Fellow walks up and asks, "Anything the matter?"

Guy says, "Yeah, I lost my keys, can you help?"

Fellow obliges and helps to search for the keys. After a few minutes, the fellow says, "I don't see any sign of them, are you sure you dropped them here?"

Guy says, "Oh, no, I dropped them over there."

"Well why aren't we looking over there?"

"Because the light is better here!"

[Charger]

Only joke with the booster shots was me expecting them to have a harder impact than they actually did.

Well I am glad that my considerable pain from the vaccinations offered you a laugh. It is well known I am a joke to people.

[Zzzptm]

Only joke with the booster shots was me expecting them to have a harder impact than they actually did.

Well I am glad that my considerable pain from the vaccinations offered you a laugh. It is well known I am a joke to people.

No, I don't laugh at the pain of others, except in Three Stooges reels or cartoons. I expected my booster to give me more pain and fatigue than it actually did, so the joke was on me.

[Zzzptm]

I love this one:

Finnish weather explained
+15°C / 59°F
This is as warm as it gets in Finland, so we'll start here.
People in Spain wear winter-coats and gloves.
Finns are out getting a tan.
+10°C / 50°F
The Portuguese shiver violently.
Finns plant flowers in their gardens.
+5°C / 41°F
Italian cars won't start.
Finns are cruising in cabriolets.
0°C / 32°F
Water freezes.
The water in Vantaa River in Helsinki gets a little thicker.
-5°C / 23°F
Californians prepare for the Apocalypse.
Finns have a final barbecue before winter.
-10°C / 14°F
Scots turn on their heating (one-bar).
Finns think about using long sleeves.
-20°C / -4°F
Aussies lose the power of speech.
Finns end their Midsummer celebrations. Autumn is here.
-30°C / -22°F
Greeks die.
Finns start drying laundry indoors.
-40°C / -40°F
Paris is cracking apart.
Finns eat ice creams in the line at hamburger kiosks.
-50°C / -58°F
Polar bears evacuate the North Pole.
The Finnish army postpones winter survival training awaiting 'real' winter weather.
-60°C / -76°F
Russian hitchhikers use pictures of thumbs instead of thumbs.
The Finnish army begins winter survival training.
-183°C / -297.4°F
Microbes die.
Finnish cows make ice cream, and complain the farmers' hands are cold.
-273°C / -459.4°F
All other atomic motion stops.
Finns say "Perkele, it's cold outside today."
-300°C / -508°F
Hell freezes over; Satan skates to work.
Finland announces a tax cut.

[Charger]

Hahah! That is quite accurate indeed!

Some normal Finnish summer activities:

[Zzzptm]

^ I love that!

More Finnish humor, this one is cute:

[Typhon]

Great Kamala Harris impression.   

https://twitter.com/i/status/1503210559898066954

[Charger]

Great Kamala Harris impression.   

https://twitter.com/i/status/1503210559898066954

That was rather hilarious indeed.

What has Harris actually done by the way? I mean past Veeps have been quite visible...even to foreign media but I have not heard or seen Harris anywhere... I think there was one photo op where Harris was standing behind Biden looking bored as fuck and that's pretty much it.

But I guess with her qualifications that's about all you can do really...

[Zzzptm]

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.

[Vyn]

In 1992 while being interviewed by MTV, Bill Clinton was asked if he wore boxers or briefs? Clinton replied, "Boxers"

In 2008 US magazine asked Obama, "Boxers or briefs"? Obama declined to answer the question.

Last week AARP asked Joe Biden, "Boxers or briefs"? Biden responded, "Depends".

[Zzzptm]

Two guys who haven't seen each other in years run in to each other on the street.

First guy: How you doin?

Second guy: Things are great. Just bought a new house out in Connecticut, got a townhouse in Brooklyn, and we got a beach house in Destin. And you?

First guy: Ahhh, my parents are still alive!

[Typhon]