Deliberately Bad Reviews

[Zzzptm]

Just a laugh... pick a famous album, best you can imagine, then trash it in a review. Don't make valid criticisms, though. Make the criticisms as superficial or as factually wrong as possible. Trust me, we'll all get a laugh out of it, the more wildly inaccurate, the better. Just enough accuracy so that we know you really are writing a review of that particular epic album. I'll start in the next post, but I suppose anyone that ninjas me and posts faster will beat me to it.

[Zzzptm]

DEEP PURPLE - MACHINE HEAD

half a highway star

Dear oh dear oh dear, can't Deep Purple record an album without Ian Galleon screaming his lungs out? The man's throat specialist bills must be through the roof. Only thing I can say positive about Galleon being in Cheap Purple is that at least he's not ruining Black Sabbath records, which are bad enough as is.

Honestly, I quit listening after 30 seconds. If the whole album was going to be dreary organ-fueled intro music punctuated with primal screams, I wanted nothing to do with it. Looking at the titles on the album, I made the right choice. Highway Star? More like side street tar, no thanks. Maybe I'm a Leo? What, you can't pick up an astrology column and check the dates? Sheesh.

Pictures of Home? Sorry, Cheap Purple, Prokofiev already gave us Pictures at an Exhibition. You're not pushing that group and orchestra stuff on me again, no sir. Never Before? I'm going to guess that it's some sappy love song. I've already got Frank Sinatra's Greatest Hits, don't need any more mush than that.

Smoke on the Water? Jeez, it's 1972 and Cheap Purple is just NOW singing drug songs? Maybe that's why Galleon is still screaming, he's not self-medicating properly. Maybe Richie Blackbooks can drop him a mickey, I hear he likes that sort of thing.

Lazy? Bingo. Dead on target. These guys are lazy, through and through, because they don't bother to think up anything new. I'd listen to the song if I didn't have such a sense of dread about how bad it will sound.

Space Truckin'? What now, they're doing Country Western Truck Drivin' songs? Is Buck Owens going to sue them or will Merle Haggard beat him to the punch?

That's it. Just 7 overblown, overlong, overdone songs. Galleon barrages us. Blackbooks can't play rhythm guitar to save his life. Grover needs to quit playing bass and go back to Sesame Street. Lord is ruled by his pretensions and Paice can't keep pace. How these guys haven't been booted by the label is beyond me.

Oh, wait, idiots buy their records. Never mind, they're a cash cow. Damn shame because they're keeping the kids from buying something decent, like Country Joe or Kenny Rodgers.

[Zzzptm]

I'm having too much fun... I went video with these. Enjoy, I hope!

Thick as a Brick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBGakj0hHbA

[Zzzptm]

Led Zeppelin II

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfHF0ONMFnc

[Zzzptm]

Really really REALLY bad review of Paranoid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4GNC7C0fsg

[Zzzptm]

And I did the Machine Head review, as well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VzlN7LNm_k

lolz

[BOGBLAST]

Good stuff Dean. Like Pink Floyd? 

[Zzzptm]

Good stuff Dean. Like Pink Floyd? 

That's the clincher of the elitist reviewer that doesn't listen to the album. Always a referral to buy a record from the one band he KNOWS will  never do the things he just trashed another band for... I did Goodbye Yellow Brick Road after those and plan to do Sgt. Pepper next. I'm keeping the Pink Floyd running gag.

I'd like to work my way backwards through the Rolling Stone top 500 albums, since nearly all of those from the 60s and 70s got a mixed or worse review in RSM, but *now* they're somehow much better than when they first came out.

[Zzzptm]

Goodbye Yellow Brick Road...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3eC2yJIt1dA

[BOGBLAST]

Ahhh, but Pink Floyd DOES sing about bricks. 

[Zzzptm]

Ahhh, but Pink Floyd DOES sing about bricks. 

Now you got the joke!

[BOGBLAST]

Well Done 

[Billy Underdog]

(Disclaimer: this is not a joke, but a general observation) I've said it before, but i just love how the War Pigs/Paranoid album cover accident turned out, because the guy actually looks damned paranoid. So you get a reference to two of the albums tracks.
Gotta love the Sabbath album covers that turned out great, be it the debut that really is a good picture of the content, the stylistically clean MOR, the artistry of Hipgnosis/Storm Thorgerson on TE and NSD! or SBS that's simply great as a picture in itself, but the failures of Paranoid and (my fave along with the debut) Sabotage is accidentally genious. How the Sabotage photo session went so horrible also fits with the album title. Bill Ward in red stockings, man!   

Cute reviews, though. Looking forward till you're actually doing a Floyd album... ;-)

[Zzzptm]

Meanwhile, I'm trying to post one of these every Thursday. I'll take suggestions.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xR0Sa3x5CbY