Remembering

[Vyn]

As I sit around waiting to drive out to the airport to retrieve my wife and youngest daughter - they're returning from a week+ in Florida - I'm listening to Tyr on the big rig and remembering people who are no longer around.

I miss Billy.

I miss my grandparents. Both of my grandfathers served in the US Army during WWII. My paternal gf managed to be stationed stateside for the duration, so lucked out and was never shot at nor had to shoot at anyone. He died young and I was only nine when he cut out. My maternal gf had a radically different experience, being sent to Europe as part of the 119th Combat Infantry regiment for a year and a half. I was blessed to have him in my life until he split in 2005.

One of my best friends passed away in 2019. A few weeks ago I ran across some letters he wrote to me when I was in the Army. I miss him.

When I was 12, I had a friend of the same age who killed himself. How the actual fuck someone that age can be so down in the pit mentally is beyond me to this day, but we had plans to ride bikes one Saturday (made them on Friday), I went to his house, knocked on his door. HIs mom answered, I asked after him. She lost it and told me he would never be riding bikes with me again and to go away. Stunned, I started to go away when his dad came out and did his level best to explain things to me. They had found him the previous night. I still can't believe they even answered the door. Rumor at school was that he dropped a weight bar on his throat while bench pressing and died in a freak accident. I never told anyone what I knew. I miss him now and again.

I miss my mom's youngest brother - my uncle Mike. He's been gone for a while now, passed away on his birthday, had been 50 years old for about half an hour. When Star Wars came out, him and a friend of his picked me up and we went it saw it opening night. He did a lot for me when I was a kid, and one thing for me when I was an adult that changed the course of my life. I'm lucky in the regard that I was able to tell him that, in a manner of speaking. But I wish I could tell him now.

I miss our cats. They lived good, long cat lives.

I'm lucky enough that anyone else in my life I give a shit about is still around.

Think I'll go call my mom

[Zzzptm]

I've got an old friend who's going through depression right now. Known him for 32 years or so, and he's been having this depression since shortly after he retired. I just texted him, in fact, but I don't expect a response. Definitely not an immediate one.

My mom and dad are both turning 80 this year, and I do my Saturday radio show as much for them as I do for my own fun. There comes a day when they die - why use a euphemism when we all know what it is and what it involves - and before that day, I want to be doing things with and for them in the moments I have.

I have a son who was killed by a hit and run driver in 2002, early in July. I think of him every day and I'm used to him not being here. But there are days, especially the hot ones in early July, that remind me of the moments immediately after his death and then the stresses put upon me by the flowers that took over the house and then started to die and the food people brought over that filled up our kitchen and we had to eventually throw out and to this day, I can't stand it when the fridge gets overloaded because it puts me back in that time of loss where I had to process dead plants and expired food instead of being able to grieve through things. My wife is an indoor plant gardener and has done some great things with keeping them alive and green. That I now find healing. And if one of them dies, it is a more natural reason instead of having just days to live after being cut off from their roots.

Got an old buddy, John Harris, who died in 2012. I'd known him since around 1997, when I joined an email list for server admins to have all their off-topic conversations we weren't allowed to have on the NTSYSADMIN or MSEXCHANGE lists. This made me go back and look up pictures of when we went to Albuquerque in July 2011 and went up in a balloon together and saw the Atomic Museum there. He was remembering his recently-deceased wife and I know I had thoughts of my son in July. But we had some magical moments along the way, seeing a ghost town, having a sudden shower drop the temperature 40 degrees, visiting the grave of Billy the Kid, and finding the home he and his wife first lived in still standing out by Dyess AFB in Abilene.

When he died, I didn't know it as such. I just had a sudden urge to play some Johnny Cash, like we listened to all the way back. And then, after that and wondering what ol' John was up to, I got word that he had just died. That Johnny Cash request was no fluke, there's something there, I tell you.

In 2013, his kids had arranged for his ashes to be strewn over the Gulf of Mexico from the Air Force Base in Biloxi, MS, where he served in a storm chaser unit for the USAF. Of course I was going to go there. One of my other friends that knew John from the mailing list was wanting to go. He had just finished his parole and was finally able to leave Dallas County for reasons other than work. I knew he'd done time in prison, but I never asked him what it was for. I reckoned it wasn't none of my business and it wasn't who he was right now. We split expenses, had the best fried chicken ever in Lorman, MS, saw friends from the list and John's kids in Biloxi, and had a great BBQ dinner after that in a place that was still rebuilding after a recent hurricane.

My buddy, Daniel, wished he'd been able to ride his bike so he could smoke along the way, but we had enough time for smoke breaks along the way and splitting costs was the way to go for us both. After that trip, Daniel was having trouble holding down a job and I switched from teaching to cybersecurity. I gave him as much help as I could, because that's what friends do. A few years later, a heart attack ended his life in Phoenix, AZ.

At my radio station, Gene the Scream passed away last year. That guy was all right, always a good friend who'd make wherever he was a better place.

The walls in the studio at the station have names on them of people who made major pledges to the station over the years. I know many of those names and even ones not made in memoriam at the time of the pledge are in memoriam now. They don't call in for requests anymore... Don in Wide Awake Wylie, Richard in Waco, Larry in Sleepy Ennis... one day, a plaque for my mom and dad will be up there, I'll see to it.

And I do hope my friend with depression is able to work things through and make it back to where he's ready to see people again and answer texts. I keep hoping, hoping and praying.

[Vyn]

... there's something there, I tell you.

Yes indeedy.

.........

I've always thought it'd be cool as all get out to spin records on the radio!

[Zzzptm]

It is very fun to not just spin the records, but to get the calls and emails from listeners about how much they enjoy it, how it takes them back to a happy day and time, and things like that. Being a community radio station, we really do have something of a family with our listeners.

[Vyn]

For sure, the relationships that develop as part of a shared experience would be the cooleth componenteth. I can spin vinyl all day at home, but that's hitting a very small audience of people I already know

[Zzzptm]

Got to visit my old friend with depression. He's also got some bad things going on with his hands, could be carpal tunnels and/or nerve issues. But it was good to be able to go over to his place and visit for a while. Hope it does him some good in his soul.