Shadow Dogs

[Vyn]

My wife picked up a little black whippet/chihuahuha looking thing 13 years ago from a local animal rescue place. She looks like a little Italian greyhound but she is a mutt. She named her Lola and she was "her" dog. A year later, she picked up a Pekinese/Chihuahuha from the local dog pound. We named him Rocco and my wife pronounced him to be my dog. I didn't much like him because he was a yappy bastard. But endearing, and he eventually won me over.

They are called shadow dogs because they will follow you everywhere. All the time. You can't hide, they will get as close to where you are at as they possibly can if they can't be right next to you.

This morning I took Lola up to the vet because she was having a GI issue. It is something she takes meds for. Turns out she is in full kidney failure. So in an hour I'm going up there and going to say goodbye to her as we put her to sleep, as they say.

She started acting off right after my wife died, and it just got worse. Now I know why.

Clearly, death is no obstacle for a shadow dog. Hope her and my wife's reunion is glorious.

...fuck.

[Zzzptm]

The pain gets a little deeper... I'm sorry, Vyn.

I've got my old blind cat on my lap right now. He's decided to be cuddly today, so I'll take it, even if he's getting hair and his butt everywhere.

[Vyn]

So, I spent a little time with Lola, then the vet hit her with some propofol. For the last ten seconds of her conscious awareness in this world, she was pain free - euphoric. Then she layed down and started snoring

One of the vet assitant girls asked me if I was enjoying the weather - it's nice out. I didn't respond with the proper level of enthusiasm and told her I'm feeling kind beat down, wife just died and now her dog is chasing after her. She asked me, unironically, if I wanted a hug. Twice. I gracefully declined. Was very compassionate of her though.

I arrived home, ordered some pizza for me and Rocco, and we hung out. As I was sitting at my computer, suddenly a wave of "feel good" washed. over me. It lasted for a good hour. Apparantly my brain has had enough and injected me with some dopamine or something lol.

After too much pizza and soda, Rocco is asleep on the floor, and I'm sitting here as it turns hard into dusk outside.

The wheel keeps turning. 

[Charger]

Well goddamn.

Sorry brother. Sometimes these things just pile up and it can all feel bit too much.

We're here for you brother.

[Vyn]

Thanks Charger - as much as this might be some old-fashioned message board with a handful of folks on it, posting these things helps me and the care and concern you and the others have expressed has a real and positive impact on me. I appreciate it.

[Zzzptm]

Old school is the best school.

[Thelemech]

I feel your pain my friend

Death is cruel and heartless
Though I truly believe that it's not the end

There is something eternal in us all

Much love and support vyn