The Community
General Category => Matters of Life and The Universe => Topic started by: Zzzptm on August 03, 2018, 06:57:58 AM
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This one's a somber thread. I've got a friend whose wife is in the hospital. When she's released, it will only be to an assisted living facility, not to return home. He's going to have an empty and lonely house ahead of him, and that's going to break his heart.
She's very likely going to get a diagnosis of Alzheimer's and he's in not in any fit state of his own where he can continue caring for her. He might be joining her there, in all honesty. If so, that's going to be sad all around, because he doesn't feel like his race is run, just yet. He's got things he does to keep busy and he's still got a pretty clear mind. We like to talk football and sports, but if he's in a home, I fear the poor guy will fade fast in that environment.
This isn't a thread about the afterlife or anything. Like the Chinese philosophers, I want to focus on this span of life we have and that it will end - so what do we do prior to that end? What do we do after the bucket list is no longer something to work on, but we're basically in a waiting room for the rest of our lives?
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A sad, if all too common circumstance.
What do we do after the bucket list is no longer something to work on, but we're basically in a waiting room for the rest of our lives?
I suspect that would depend entirely on the individual's approach. If they look at it as merely a "waiting room" for death, then that is what it will be for them. And really, isn't the entirety of a person's life just one long "waiting room" for death? We all know it's coming, taking that trip to Greece or riding bareback on a wild stallion might be fun but are self-serving and ultimately meaningless to anyone else. It is the love, care, and concern that you give to others as they travel their path that ultimately matters, from my perspective anyway.
If you can find peace in yourself, where you are is irrelevant. Dealing with the changing tides of life is always a challenge, but one that every single person throughout history has had to deal with. They seemed to have succeeded for the most part.
Good topic, one with more nuance of opinion than even music appreciation :)
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One thing we tend to lose sight of is the likelihood of a day when we're no longer mobile. If our minds are gone, well, we're not there to fret over things left undone. But if we can't get around anymore and are stuck at home or at a care facility all day, what then?
I've seen more than one person slide into Alzheimer's because they just sat around and watched TV, not enough mental activity, not enough *work*. The people who go suddenly are people who stay as active as possible and then have a heart attack or stroke or sudden detection of stage 4 cancer.
But if there's a mobility issue, that sudden going is less likely than a long, drawn out, "we've expected this for some time, now..." kind of situation. That's the "waiting room" scenario.
So is the loss of a dearly loved one, with no one to replace that emotional support. That's my friend's situation. He's got no kids, just some equally old family here and there, myself, and one other friend. I'm pretty sure he's not entirely psychologically fortified for the loneliness to come.
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Alzheimer's is a real bitch...my grand father got it when he was in his late 70s...in his case he could function pretty well in the assisted living facility he was in but he then lost is ability to speak...or desire to hard to say for sure...I do believe he recognized us still because he did usually smile when we came to visit, but he never said a word for the last two or 3 years of his life...that was sad.
He was 87 when he passed so he lived a long time with it, but in the end little over a year or so he didn't know anything about anything really...which was really sad...and really hard on the family.
All I can say is that I can relate to that part of the situation.
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Both my paternal grandparents developed Alzheimer's, so my dad and I are doing as much as we can to fend off the contributing human factors. Lack of brain activity is a big one we can tackle. He's not retired, even though he's in his 70s. I don't plan to retire, just do different jobs for as long as I can.
I'm also considering drawing up my legal papers for my will as well as medical instruction orders, which would include DNR (do not resuscitate) orders.